To the greatest nieces and nephews in the world (aka my good friends' and cousins' offspring); I just wanted to take this time to tell you that you are the greatest kids in the world. I love you with big hugs, high fives and lots of laughter. You are so much fun and you let me be silly in a world where there is way too much seriousness. You can always count on me to laugh at your jokes, play yet another game of dominos, get my butt kicked by you in Wii, brag about you, post your pictures and drawings on my fridge and generally be the greatest fan (that doesn't have to be) of you that you will encounter in this life. As many of you are growing up and starting to attend school or get into higher elementary grades, you can also count on me to celebrate your reading, attend and even smile through long school programs and cheer you on at any sporting event that you (not your mom... but you) invite me to. However, I want to let you know that there is something that you cannot count on me for. I have been hit up for all sorts of fundraisers and I want to let you know why I won't buy certain things. Please don't try to sell me:
- Wrapping paper-I don't need this much wrapping paper. I buy my annual three rolls at IKEA post-holidays and probably will give you a present in a gift bag that your mother gave me at long past holiday or celebration anyways!
- Frozen cookie dough-There is only one of me at my house and I don't need a big ol' tub of cookie dough. Do not try to make me more 'squishy' than I already am. As much as I love being an auntie, I would also like to meet Prince Charming someday and this will not help me towards this goal.
- Chocolate bars, chocolate covered almonds or chocolate/yogurt covered something-See number two for squishy reasons. But this chocolate is really yucky anyways. It makes an Aero bar look like Bernard Callebaut.
- Coffee beans/speciality tea-Although the local coffee shop looks like a great community partner and probably gets a tax write off for their donation of coffee to you, I have news for you. They gave you old, bitter and yucky coffee that they couldn't sell to un-suckered customers.
- Coupon books-This includes the Entertainment book and the cheaper $15 one. These books are chock full of 2-4-1 deals. This is no good for your single auntie. No, they don't substitute them for 50% off for one person. I've asked. Although I am not opposed to leftovers (this is the only way that I get proper nutrition), I don't want a teen burger that has been sitting in my fridge for hours.
- Family event coupons-As much this is something that would be useful for a family and might be a good deal, I'm not going to spend my Friday night with a bunch of families at laser tag, a swimming pool or mini-golf.
Just so you know that I still love you and believe in helping support schools and sports, I have two things that you can ask me to buy. Frozen pizzas (that are good) and magazine subscriptions. I'll probably purchase a knitting magazine subscription which will be a good thing for you as I might just make you a cool new sweater that is better than the Gap, Children's Place or Gymboree would provide anyways.
Love your proud and faithful auntie,